when you feel as if things aren’t how they used to be anymore. The moment when you can feel that everything is falling apart. You realize that things are starting to change time by time.
Things just don’t seem to be the same, any longer.
I’ve committed myself to joining the navy. I’ve committed myself to starting anew and walking away from everything I have, which is not a lot really aside from the fact that it’s just working and money. I’m disappointed at the fact I have to give up volleyball but it is what it is. I knew it had to come to an end soon. Not a single person in my life is THAT important to me and I honestly wouldn’t be sad if I walked away from them. And honestly they would not be either. So now, I continue living life. Just a few more pounds to lose and then I’ll be saying sayanora to everyone.
This is soo Truee
this.
This. But I’m retired now from being an athelete and stuck to being a volleyball coach.
Except scars and tattoos. Which I have. Anywho, I realize I wasted my time. But I made memories. Memories kill me at first but in a short time I’ll forget about it. I was asked if I see myself still knowing the people I know now in a few years. I said “nope, nothing lasts forever. It all ends eventually.” Apparently that was a bit “emo” but it’s just how I am. Jobs don’t last. The muscles and abs don’t last. People don’t last. Friends don’t last. I feel as if I wasted so much time with people these past few years. I got attached and it came crashing down. But I don’t shed tears anymore about that kind of stuff. It happens. I just fade away and disappear and poof, I’ll be gone. When I get older, I definitely will be doing stuff that will cause me to have no social life like I do right now.
Road trip with my neighbor next saturday after the game! My girls will beast and be undefeated. Tomorrow, job interview with Chipotle. Then work for the rest of the week to help the girls prepare for saturday’s game. Then after, Coronado Beach! For one day though LOL. I like these one day visits to SoCal. It completes me.
It was overall somewhat a good day today. My team won their first game. It wasn’t pretty but a win is a win. I was running on 3 hours of sleep the whole day and I’m still up.. After the game, I just went home and washed my car and cut my hair. I’m getting my old hawk back cause I miss it. Then for the whole day I didn’t do anything but waste time doing nothing. Before I know it, it’s 2AM already. Maybe I should work on the weekends too cause I find myself doing absolutely nothing but moping around on the weekends waiting for something to happen but it doesn’t. For 5 days a week, I don’t depend on anyone to help me get through my day but when it’s the weekends, oh boy. The weekends are killer for me. I need to occupy myself on the weekends now so I don’t get all depressed and shit. It’d be nice if people actually replied to their text message.. But they don’t. So why bother texting them. That’s how I roll. No reply, I don’t text you. Whoop-dee-doo. Let’s move on with fucking living life.
I don’t know why I’m actually still awake. It’s 3:45AM I have to be up by 9am for my team’s first volleyball game today. This is what I get for getting starbucks right before it closes… But oh well. Thank god for movies and music and food. I need to pick better movies to watch though. All that love shit gets to me and makes me feel weird inside. I gave up on love. Why do I choose to watch about it. I’m more focused on the money now but what is money if you have no one to spend it on but yourself? Sucks to be alone but once I can spend my money, I feel like a bigshot lololol. Anywho, I got a job interview at Chipotle on Monday. If I can get the job, the hours have to be right or it won’t happen. Also, I can’t wait to start working at Mikuni’s. Just a few more weeks to go. Working 2 jobs right now isn’t so bad. It’s kinda lame to in fact. But now that I think about it, conflict between my working hours will take place… So that probably means a job has to go soon. Unless I can take 2 weeks off then I’m set. Let’s make this $$$, move to the beach and fucking surf everyday.
Can’t wait for Hawaii bitches. 2 more months!
As every day passes, my desire to get out this fucking house grows. This house is just full of bullshit. I can’t stand everyone here. I have no family. Sacramento family doesn’t exist to me anymore. I fucking hate everyone here. I’m so glad I’m moving to SoCal next year.
Tumblr is getting a bit useless to me now. Everyday I have about a good 6 hours to do whatever I want until 3pm then I start coaching. I could be venting and ranting because after all, this is what I have a tumblr for. But now it seems pointless to write on this. I’ve learned to keep things to myself and not let my emotions get the best of me. I have a lot of shit to say to people but I choose to keep it to myself. And every word I have to say is not pleasant. I may seem like a bitch but it’s just being blunt. I’m still on the edge about some things but let’s see how it goes these next few months.
I kinda need some help thinking of what to do with it.. Message me for deets :)
I’m friendly and I don’t bite. You won’t regret it LOL.
Cause no one else can truly make you happy as can be. No sitting doing nothing cause it’ll get you nowhere. I have shit to do. There may be some moments where I’m alone but hey, do work. Find some shit to do. I’ve been and is still on my own grind. Tomorrow is the start of coaching volleyball again with new people and a new bunch of kids. Though I doubt I will be doing anything physical because I’m still handicapped, I’m still in charge. Then next friday, I’ll be working at Downtown Concerts in the Park every friday because concerts in the park only happen during friday. Then hopefully my arm does heal by May 11 so I can finally start training and begin working at Mikuni’s as a sushi chef. Then in about 2 months, I’ll be working at the California State Fair. I smell money. 4 part time jobs during the summer. How fucking dope is that. And on top of that when I’m not doing anything, I’m still applying for jobs. Plus I’m getting in my workout sessions still. Who cares If I’m lonely. I love what I’m doing right now. Except for the fact that I’m still going to school. Fuck school. Do work.
